Amaze Yourself

What going skiing for the first time in 15 years taught me about giving myself more credit

Good morning and welcome back to Creative Parenting Club.

Today, CPC co-pilot Matthew Buccelli is back behind the keyboard sharing some reflections from a ski trip he took without the kids this winter.

If I Can Ski Down a Mountain, I Can Do Anything

Including finish this essay

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By Matthew Buccelli

When was the last time you were really in awe of yourself?

If you are a parent, the answer should be: every single day.

We manage our lives like everyone else. We have bills to pay, jobs to do, plans to organize, little annoying bits of bureaucracy to deal with. On top of this, we have kids.

I always tell people who ask what it’s like to be a parent that the hardest thing is the logistics. And I often feel that most of the time I spend “parenting” is just trying to get my kids from A to B without too much stress.

I don’t know about you but for me, one of the biggest triggers to impatience is when everything else is happening at the same time and my kids all of a sudden have a very good reason why they can’t just put on their clothes.

Say it with me: 21st century parents are fucking superheroes!!!!

And yet, somehow we have a hard time appreciating ourselves for these daily acts of heroism.

No matter how many things we’ve done already today, we feel that we’re still missing something. On top of everything we’re already holding together, we feel guilty for whatever we can’t manage.

It’s actually a really toxic mentality. We are under more pressure and stress than ever before. And yet we are harder than ever on ourselves.

How can this possibly be?

An Escape to the Mountains

I think I may have found my antidote recently on the ski slopes.

This winter, I had built up some solo parenting credit and decided to fulfill a lifelong dream. I’ve always wanted to go to the Olympics, and when I found out the Winter Games were happening in Italy, I decided I was going to make it happen.

I managed to convince an old college friend from the US who likes to snowboard that we should make a little ski trip weekend out of it. He was onboard, on the condition that he could bring his girlfriend.

Being the third wheel on a romantic trip to the mountains with two people without kids was funny in itself. We went to Cortina for a day to attend some live events (Skeleton and Curling), and stayed the rest of the time about an hour away in a beautiful Italian mountain town called Alleghe.

But after the excitement of being at the Olympics, there was one small issue: it had been about 15 years since I last skied.

As I lay down to go to sleep the night before going out on the slopes for the first time, I’m not going to lie I was a little afraid. The fear of getting injured hits differently when you’re a man or woman in your late 30s, standing on the precipice of middle age.

Suddenly after an amazing day of watching actual elite athletes do winter sports, skiing again was beginning to feel one of those things that sounded like a good idea until the moment you actually had to do it.

The Joy of Remembering How Cool You Are

I definitely had butterflies waking up the next day. I also didn’t really have any proper ski gear.

But after buying myself a new ski jacket (which I reasoned was also practical for my winter bike commutes), getting the equipment, and stepping onto the slopes, something surprising happened.

I was amazed at how quickly I picked it back up.

Sure, I was nervous going down the first hills (especially the steeper ones), but I figured it out.

Before long, I was energetically propelling myself down the mountain with my ski poles while screaming to my friend in a high-pitched voice and marveling at the majestic Dolomites all around me.

In my humble opinion, there is no activity that combines adrenaline, exercise, and the beauty of nature quite like skiing. Especially when you’re a lazy skier like me who is perfectly happy sticking to the comfortable color palate of blues, reds, and greens.

By the second day, I felt even better. Some of the slopes that felt moderately challenging on the first day suddenly felt easy. I was picking up speed. I was challenging myself to go faster and try steeper trails.

And you know what? Despite a few drops that still felt like a bit too much, I was able to get through it.

Ski Lessons

One cool thing about skiing is that you have a lot of time to yourself. Even when you’re doing it socially with other people, when you’re in the zone and you’re slicing your way down the mountain, it’s just your body and your mind out there working together in a beautiful and scary and electrifying primal symphony.

At some point during one of my more challenging runs on the second day, a thought occurred to me.

If I can ski down this mountain, I can do anything.

For as excited as I was to go skiing again, I had built it up in my mind as something difficult, maybe even risky. I had felt genuinely nervous in a way that I don’t usually, even when I am pushing myself.

But once I actually did it, what felt intimidating became manageable. My body remembered, but mostly importantly my confidence came back.

So if I could strap giant skates to my feet after 15 years and handle a 30 degree drop again after a few hours, I must have the capacity somewhere inside me to handle all of the other little challenges life throws my way.

My Oh Fuck Moment

At the end of my second day, I was literally the last person off the mountain. I had carefully planned my last hour or so of runs, knowing that it would be at least another year before I get to do this again.

To close the day, I went down my favorite trail, a gradual slope with an incredible view. I looked around, feeling one with myself and with the world, full of gratitude for the opportunity to be right here in this moment, in this place.

I was so zen and serene that… I took a wrong turn. Instead of taking the easy way all the way down, I had to handle one final steep drop before I could relax for the rest of the afternoon.

Full of nervous confidence, I gave myself the first push. I carved back and forth a couple of times in an effort to manage my speed, but before long I was going a lot faster than I wanted to be. I was convinced I could handle the hill, but within about 10 seconds I was balancing myself frantically with my poles trying to prevent myself from falling at a dangerous speed and at a dangerous angle, the consequences flashing before my eyes.

“Just stay on your feet, just stay on your feet, just stay on your feet!” I repeated to myself as I flew down the hill desperately trying to moderate my speed. At the same time I was pretty sure I was actually going to fall and I was trying to think of how and where to do it in the safest way. There was literally no one left on the mountain to help me except the last ski patrol of the day which was about to make its rounds.

Eventually the hill evened out, I got back control, and I came successfully to a stop (there is no greater relief in skiing). I navigated the rest of the slope and found my way back to base. I took my skis off and rode the cable car the rest of the way back down, my zen feelings from before slowly returning.

Just Stay on Your Feet

There are some days when parenting feels like a calm intermediate slope, full of zen and gratitude and beautiful views. And there are some days when it feels like me on that last run, going way too fast telling yourself you’ve got things under control even when you feel like you definitely don’t have things under control.

But going back to the ski slopes taught me the same lesson that parenting should be teaching us in countless other ways on a daily basis:

You’re operating at your highest level ever, and you’ve got this.

As parents, it’s time to give ourselves more credit. It’s time to appreciate ourselves for all of the ways that we are already doing an amazing job, all of the tasks we are already juggling, everything we are already keeping in balance each and every day.

We are strong and powerful, we are brave and bold. And instead of beating ourselves up we should really be giving ourselves a high five in the mirror every morning and remembering how cool it is that we can manage our own lives and be there for our kids all at the same time (even when it’s exhausting).

Whatever you are doing right now, it’s enough. Whatever else you want to be doing, it will find a way to happen.

And when it still all feels like too much?

Just stay on your feet.

You are a parent. You can handle anything.

Matthew Buccelli is co-founder and editor of Creative Parenting Club.

What’s one creative parenting challenge that gave you confidence recently?

Thanks for being here, and see you next week.