This hit so close to home. We have our kids first in Germany, and then now we are in the U.S. I’ve been living far from my own family for years now, and raising kids without that built-in village has often felt like trying to do the impossible with a smile on my face.
In Germany where we lived, there was this high expectation for women. Women typically took 3 years of parental leave. When I only took one year (because I wanted to go back to work), people would judge me. Similarly, I put my kids in a full day daycare back then, till 5pm (which was the latest I could get). People would think that the kid was poor and the mom was bad.
Reading this reminded me that it’s not just me—and that maybe I’m not "failing" for needing support, I’m just human. I especially loved the reminder that even Hemingway didn’t go it alone. Thank you for sharing this—it felt like a warm hug and a gentle nudge to keep building that village, one connection at a time.
Happy to hear this resonated. One of our core beliefs in bringing this community together is that parents deserve the space to live our own lives, while also being there for our kids. What exactly that looks like is going to be different in every family. But modern parenting is such a pressure-cooker and I think that by deconstructing some of why modern parents are under such stress, we can naturally reclaim some of that space to be the creative people we want to be in addition to being the best possible parents.
For me it's always helpful to stop and ask why something is expected to be done a certain way, and whether that is something that is actually important to me/my partner/my kids and our combined needs as a family. My goal in contrasting the Hemingway example with the reality that modern parents spend more focused time than ever with our children and STILL feel like we're not doing enough, is to show exactly this.
Thanks for being here! Let's keep cheering each other on.
Thanks, Matthew. We do put a lot of pressure on ourselves as parents these days, and while this allows us to protect our children from many harms, at some point it can stifle their growth and our overall joy as a family. Good to remember that the human race has survived through many times and cultures and that the "big stuff," as you mentioned, is the most important.
I've been thinking lately about how when we parent our children, it's not just about parenting; it's also about modeling adulthood to them. It's possible to sacrifice so much for our children that they will succeed, sure, but they will also never want to have children of their own. My daughter needs to see that I can be a good dad while also taking some time to write, so that if she wants to write someday she will not see that as incompatible with being a mom.
I'll also mention that there are many individuals today who are struggling to even get started in parenting. Here in the US, nearly 1 in 4 children live in father-absent homes, which leads to a host of big problems. With this in mind, it really matters how we model the basics - encouraging a more approachable precedent for involvement.
I love what you said about modeling adulthood. If they see us staying connected to the activities we love, my hope is that this will inspire them to do the same if and when they end up having kids of their own.
This hit so close to home. We have our kids first in Germany, and then now we are in the U.S. I’ve been living far from my own family for years now, and raising kids without that built-in village has often felt like trying to do the impossible with a smile on my face.
In Germany where we lived, there was this high expectation for women. Women typically took 3 years of parental leave. When I only took one year (because I wanted to go back to work), people would judge me. Similarly, I put my kids in a full day daycare back then, till 5pm (which was the latest I could get). People would think that the kid was poor and the mom was bad.
Reading this reminded me that it’s not just me—and that maybe I’m not "failing" for needing support, I’m just human. I especially loved the reminder that even Hemingway didn’t go it alone. Thank you for sharing this—it felt like a warm hug and a gentle nudge to keep building that village, one connection at a time.
Happy to hear this resonated. One of our core beliefs in bringing this community together is that parents deserve the space to live our own lives, while also being there for our kids. What exactly that looks like is going to be different in every family. But modern parenting is such a pressure-cooker and I think that by deconstructing some of why modern parents are under such stress, we can naturally reclaim some of that space to be the creative people we want to be in addition to being the best possible parents.
For me it's always helpful to stop and ask why something is expected to be done a certain way, and whether that is something that is actually important to me/my partner/my kids and our combined needs as a family. My goal in contrasting the Hemingway example with the reality that modern parents spend more focused time than ever with our children and STILL feel like we're not doing enough, is to show exactly this.
Thanks for being here! Let's keep cheering each other on.
-Matt from CPC
Thanks, Matthew. We do put a lot of pressure on ourselves as parents these days, and while this allows us to protect our children from many harms, at some point it can stifle their growth and our overall joy as a family. Good to remember that the human race has survived through many times and cultures and that the "big stuff," as you mentioned, is the most important.
I've been thinking lately about how when we parent our children, it's not just about parenting; it's also about modeling adulthood to them. It's possible to sacrifice so much for our children that they will succeed, sure, but they will also never want to have children of their own. My daughter needs to see that I can be a good dad while also taking some time to write, so that if she wants to write someday she will not see that as incompatible with being a mom.
I'll also mention that there are many individuals today who are struggling to even get started in parenting. Here in the US, nearly 1 in 4 children live in father-absent homes, which leads to a host of big problems. With this in mind, it really matters how we model the basics - encouraging a more approachable precedent for involvement.
I love what you said about modeling adulthood. If they see us staying connected to the activities we love, my hope is that this will inspire them to do the same if and when they end up having kids of their own.
At Creative Parenting Club, we're all about helping parents find the middle ground between high stress parenting and leaving your baby with the cat.